Emotion or Logic?

I have come to realize that I am generally an emotional person. While I have a very rational and logical side, my emotional self often takes over and in most situations, controls my behavior. Sadly, in the last few years, I have learned (the hard way) that in the absence of proper management, emotions can be very dangerous. While the emotional component of humans makes up a large part of what we are, as a species, it is critical that we understand when, how, and which emotions to show. It is perfectly normal to feel pain, to be hurt, to love, to feel anger and disappointment, joy and pleasure. However, it is equally (if not more) important to learn how to manage these emotions. From a purely personal perspective, I can attest that every time I have made "emotional" decisions, I have come to regret it. In contrast, all my rational decisions have been well thought out, reasonable, and have generally been to my advantage. Thus, I am left to wonder: why do we even have emotions? Why can't we be purely logical, rational beings? What is the benefit of having emotions?

Healthy Body, Healthy Mind

We too often hear that sustenance of a healthy mind is highly dependent on its encompassing physical body. Despite the frequency of repetition in this statement, too many of us ignore the potentially detrimental consequences of physical inactivity/inability to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Tonight, I don't have much to write except to promote exercise and the adoption of a healthy lifestyle. The idea for this blog occurred to me earlier today when I came across a scientific research study that demonstrated the effect of running on the generation of new neurons within the brain of mice, suggesting that exercise could alter brain structure in a beneficial manner. Perhaps it's an overstretch, but I seem to associate "mind" with "brain". In that regard, the aforementioned study would provide scientific evidence for the positive effects of physical activity on the mind. In addition to changes within the brain anatomy, exercise has been shown to change mood by increasing the levels of various neurotransmitters associated with a feeling of joy and euphoria. Further, exercise could act as an anti-depressant, reduce stress and anxiety, and elevate productivity. It goes without saying that all of the effects of exercise on brain/behavioral function are, of course, accompanied with its effects on the physical body- all of which we are all too familiar with, and a subject not within the scope of this blog. My goal here is simply to promote physical activity as a means to maintain a healthy lifestyle and thus a more relaxed, optimistic, and sharp mind.

At a Crossroads

Life is constantly presenting us with challenging moments and how we choose to handle those situations is primarily left up to us. In fact, I think that one of the prominent differences between us and other primates is our free will, which enables us to dictate and even change our own destinies. In that regard, when we come at a crossroads where we have to select one path or another, how can we make sure that we make the correct decision? In fact, what exactly is "correct"? Is that not a relative term and does it not vary on an individual basis? If there is not one right answer for every decision, then how does one make the appropriate decision for him/herself?

I want to argue that making the correct decisions for oneself is a learned process, meaning that it is directly related to our past experiences and our degree of self-knowledge/knowledge about our surroundings. I think that the more experienced and mature (mentally) we are, the better our odds at making the correct decisions for ourselves. This maturity is not easily obtainable and requires a process that involves making mistakes and learning from those mistakes- key word being, learning. The more receptive we are to understanding the circumstances around us, the more wisdom we will develop. Eventually, we will learn our personal likes and dislikes, as well as those of others, and based on that understanding, we can make more suitable decisions for ourselves. I think that the practice of this methodology will, in turn, lead to the abolishment of the concept of regret, altogether- for how can one regret a thoughtful decision that has led to the development of a greater understanding?!

Sunday Blues...

It's been a while since I've written, not because I've been lazy, but because life has been consuming me! However, in an era when unemployment rate is sky rocketing, I am grateful to be bombarded with work...at least I have a job and I'm sincerely thankful for that.

I was talking to a friend today about, well, ironically, friendship! We were discussing the criteria (if any) of a good friend. People always have cliche answers for this question: trustworthy, reliable, honest, understanding, and many more that we have heard time and time again. But I've had many friends in my life who do not possess most of these qualities, and yet, I think of them as "good friends". Why? Because I have learned something from them. They may not have been the most loyal friends, but they may have had another positive characteristic to offer- perhaps they were ambitious. The dedication to their career and/or personal life influenced me and motivated me to a better person. Or maybe they were healthy individuals who cared deeply about their body. As a result of their attitude towards physical fitness, I learned to adopt a healthy life-style. I have so many more examples. Ultimately, I would consider those who have taught me (by example, not by preaching me) to be a better person as good friends. So, that is my criteria for a good friend: in my interactions with you, am I going to walk away with food for thought?

Are you thinking now?! I guess I am, after all, a good friend to you :)

Responsibility

The news story of the Suleman octuplets just keeps on getting better! Since the moment of their birth, I have discovered a new piece of information about the family on a daily basis. And with every new discovery, my thoughts on the matter change. Let me say, in a completely forthright manner (for the first time!), that I am absolutely outraged...I'm just not yet sure about whom I'd like to blame the most! Like I said, with every new discovery, my moral compass swings from one side to the other. At first, I was livid with the "parents" (i.e. Suleman and her "partner"); then, I realized she has no husband and lives with her parents! That made me extremely angry with her, because now she had to raise these 8 children on her own; oops, wait, new story: she has 6 other kids at home from a previous IVF...so she has to care for 14 kids by herself. Wonderful! Then I found out that a team of doctors and nurses had to be trained for several months in preparation for this delivery...great...let's take the hospital labor force and use them all up for one patient alone. That doesn't sound unehtical at all. Now, let's think about the doctor who implanted these 8 embryos into Suleman's uterus. Which medical school gave this guy his degree? How do you implant 8 embryos into the uterus of a woman who is under the age of 35, does not have a partner with whom she could care for the children, has SIX other kids at home, and lives with her parents? The doctor really made me angry....until, the reports said that the doctor did not, in fact, implant 8 embryos, but that they multiplied after implantation, and Suleman decided to forego abortion. So, she CHOSE to keep all 8 (well, at the time, she thought there would be 7). And most recently, I read that she is now asking for millions of dollars to support her mini-village containing 14 children.

The story goes on and on. Frankly, every time I read a new piece on the Suleman octuplets, it feels like self-mutilation. I cringe, I hurt, I want to cry from inside. 14 kids???? I cannot think of a more irresponsible behavior. But like I said, I go back and forth on the most irresponsible individual in all this? The doctor who implanted so many embryos? Nadya...for obvious reasons? The parents of Nadya for their poor education of their daughter on matters of responsibility? Who do you blame? But more importantly, what is going to happen to the future of these 14 innocent kids who had no say in all this? Who is going to explain to them why they never received the attention that most other kids do? And that is NOT an assumption. It's math! One mom with 2 hands, 14 children, and 24 hours in one day: it just doesn't add up!

In conclusion, Nadya just increased our already overpopulated earth by 8 more children, bringing her total to 14. She changed the lives of 14 people, not to mention the downstream effects of her behavior on society as a whole. I'm scared...

The "L" Word...But The Real Kind!

In relationships, the "L" word marks a milestone. In the younger ages, we tend to throw the word around, as if it has no meaning. But as we mature and hopefully, get wiser, we begin to associate the "L" word with an immense amount of commitment...it comes with responsibilities that we don't want to be held accountable for until we are certain about our partners. Often times, we wait a very long time before we even utter sentences that could be interpreted as love.

But then...the moment we come to terms with ourselves and realize that we have fallen in love, it is often difficult for us to stop thinking about the other person. We wonder where they are, what they're doing, what they like and dislike, what would make them happy or sad, etc. It almost seems as if our behaviors change to satisfy the other person.

I was reading Plato's "Dialogues" last night. In a part of one of the early discussions, Phadrus is the first to express his admiration for Eros. In this speech, he mentions that a man in love would surely not let himself be seen by his beloved (i.e. Eros), beyond all others, performing any shameful behaviors. While I can clearly see the application of this principle to the loving relationships between two individuals, I was more interested in its relevance to the love between a creature and its creator.

As I have perhaps hinted in my previous blogs, I sincerely believe in the existence of a Source more powerful than myself. I don't know what I would call this Source...I like the name Divine...or simply, the Source! Regardless, the semantics are a moot discussion. The salient point is that I believe in a more supreme being, but I also recognize that understanding the nature of this being is well beyond my intelligence (in fact, if I did understand this being, wouldn't we be equals and thus, wouldn't that negate the possibility of its existence?!) Nonetheless, for as long as I have sincerely believed in its presence, I have tried to establish a relationship with him/her/it in the best way I could. I have tried to....love this Source. It's not easy!! It's so much easier to love someone who is tangibly present in your daily life....but over time, I have realized that this Source has effects that permeate my daily experiences and the reality of those experiences could be just as tangible as the apparent presence of this being. And every time that I come face to face with one of these experiences, my admiration, connection....love....for this being grows exponentially. I never really thought about what that love means though....Plato's Dialogues has given me a practical starting point! If you believe in this Supreme being, do you truly love him/her/it? Have you ever thought about a way to assess this love?! Next time you are about to do something, think: "would I do this if he/she/it was here?"!!! Just some food for thought!

Ethics and Law...Mutually Exclusive?

I was reading about an interesting court case today: Coombes vs. Florio. In brief, Sacca, a 72-year old cancer patient of Dr. Florio, was prescribed several common drugs that cause drowsiness, dizziness, and should not be used before driving (i.e. oxycodone, hydrocodone, and other sedatives). While Sacca was undergoing cancer treatment, he was advised by Dr. Florio not to drive. However, once the treatment was completed, Dr. Florio informed the patient that he could resume driving (even though Sacca was still receiving prescriptions for the common opioids above). One day, while Sacca was driving, he got into an accident and killed 10-year old Kevin Coombes. It was later concluded that a combination of factors, including Sacca's general health condition, as well as the influence of the drugs, contributed to the accident. Later, the Coombes family sued Sacca.....AND Florio! The case against Sacca is self-explanatory (although Sacca died soon after the case opened and the case was later settled). The allegations against Florio, however, resulted in far more intriguing results. The suit brought against Florio argued that the physician should have informed his patient of the possible side-effects of the prescribed drugs, and Dr. Florio should have forewarned the patient not to drive while under the influence.

The decision for this case was met with controversy and while the lower courts ruled in favor of Florio, the case was later brought to the Supreme Court of Massachusetts where it was again, met with a mixed bag of feelings, which are not the subject of tonight's blog. I'd like to discuss the more salient point here: should a physician be held responsible for his/her patient's behavior? Isn't this similar to asking whether or not the bar tender should be held responsible for a drunken person's behavior after they leave the bar? Or even the host of a party...if I throw a party, serve alcohol, and one of my drunken guests leaves and gets into an accident, should I be held responsible for this guest's behavior? Alternatively, if I'm a fitness trainer who helps a client get into great shape, can I take all the credit for the client's newfound health? In other words, if we are could potentially contribue to a specific decision that a person makes, how large or small of a role do we play in the person's behavior as it relates to us?

My personal opinion: The answer to this question would vary depending on the person asking it: an ethicist or an attorney?! While the law may outline a series of specific guidelines for certain problems, true ethics (the definition of which would, in itself, create a new subject) may point towards an entirely different direction. As critical thinkers, I think that whenever we get at a cross-roads where we have to make a difficult decision that may affect another person, we should be able to assess both the legal and ethical aspects of the decision and their respective consequences. I am not suggesting that one should always make one or the other decision, but merely that we should be AWARE!

I Told You So!

In my last blog, I hinted at the fact that my parents played a role (in my opinion, a fairly significant one) in helping me stay away from drugs and driving me to lead what I find to be a mostly healthy lifestyle. Interestingly, right after I wrote that blog, I went on to read the last chapter of Freakonomics which discusses the role of parents in a child's education. In this section, Levitt uses statistical data to demonstrate the influence (or lack thereof) of parents on the academic education of their children. Not to my surprise, he concludes (and the data supports his hypothesis) that it is not what parents DO, but more of what they ARE, that affects the child. This must be quite annoying and shocking to most obsessive parents, but I'm so pleased with this finding. My dad always used to say: before you have kids, make sure you first train yourself to behave! I never really understood what this meant, until I got a bit older and discovered the beauty of this advice. I have now watched many children and I can admittedly, without a doubt, and with almost 100% accuracy, make an observation about the parents (even if I don't know them) simply by observing the children's behavior. Children really are a mirror and they mirror the parents' behaviors. So, no wonder Levitt says, it's what the parents are that affects the child's education...not what they do!

Many of you may question the relevance of this last paragraph to your own lives. Perhaps you don't have children; maybe you don't even plan on ever having a family; then, how would any of this apply to you? I don't have kids and don't plan on having them (although I don't have an aversion for them either!), but I was certainly affected by the scientific data above. What this suggests to me is that my behavior has the potential to affect the people around me: whether it affects my 1.5 year-old nephew or the 13 year-old I mentor, or the 25 year-old I work with, or my peers, or my 45 year-old boss, is irrelevant. The point is, my behavior--positive or negative--could potentially change the next person with whom I come into contact. How phenomenal would it be to leave a positive impression on my surroundings? How rewarding would it be?!

Feeling Lucky...

First of all, sorry for missing so many days. I've been very busy at work during the day and most of my nights have consisted of finishing up the work I did not get to do earlier and/or reading...several books!! I'm almost done with Freakonomics. A few days ago, I was reading the chapter on the economics of drug dealing. Putting aside Levitt's elegantly supported theory for why crack dealers live with their moms, I have been, for many days, pondering the very idea of drug dealing and drug users. I have been, to say the least, feeling extremely fortunate to have been completely away from the world of drugs. Some would call that naiive and "bubble-like". I call it fortunate and lucky! To be frank, I'm not even sure how I made it through my adulthood without ever coming across a situation that necessitated a decision to get involved with drugs. Was it really me?? Was I the strong one? But how was I "strong" if I was never put up to the test? Alternatively, was it my environment that saved me from this potentially dangerous phenomenon? If so, had I not had a say in selecting my surroundings? So, again, why not take all the credit for myself?

I will actually give you an answer today! I don't think I can give myself any of the credit on this one! I attribute my "drug-free" passage so far to several different factors: one of the most important factors is my parents. I have to admit, they did a darned good job of raising me and a part of that meant that they instilled the right principles in my mind: education, athletics, community service. In other words, they kept me too busy to ever think about anything outside of the box they provided for me.

Another critical factor was my group of friends. I don't care what anyone says, I firmly believe that your friends, especially in teenage years (but really, for all your life) shape your behaviors. I owe my positive crowd a big thank you.

And the most important and most unprecendented of all factors was my belief (stemming from my attraction towards spirituality) that every action has to have a reaction and the spiritual reaction of getting involved with drugs, for me, was a failure to control myself...sounded pathetic to me! So, I controlled myself!! But not because I was strong; rather because I had a belief that more or less forced me to think this way. Today, many many years since the teenage years, I have nothing but thanks to give :)

The Birth...

A friend of mine gave birth to a beautiful baby girl three days ago. While this is certainly not the first time I have been given news of a child delivery, I was taken into a deep state of thought with this birth. I started to wonder, out of all the children that were born at the very same moment that my friend's child (we'll call her K.) was born, why does this K. get to be in such a wealthy, healthy, educated, and happy family? Believe me, I am extremely happy for the parents and for K. I'm just wondering what the criteria are for birth within a specific family. Or is it all just random? But it can't really be random, because if it were, it would be utterly unfair, and I guess I just believe in some type of justice in this world. I guess this is an important question for me to address. I think a lot of people have the same types of questions, but most fail to pursue them. I, on the other hand, have thoroughly exhausted all my resources in an attempt to find an answer to these questions of justice and equality, and successfully, might I add! I have been finally convinced by one single answer, but what would be the point of writing a blog if I didn't allow my readers to ponder the same questions and come up with their own individual, custom-designed answers!?! I'll give it away sooner or later; but for now, just think!

Incentives for Moral Behavior

A friend recommended that I read the book, Freakonomics (Levitt and Dubner 2005). I began reading it last night and was intensely impressed with the authors' ideas (but not unifying themes!) and arguments. Most of all, I was intrigued by a particular study referenced in the book that suggests a negative synergy between moral behavior and economic values. I performed further research on the referenced experiment above and extracted the following information: In this study, a small fine (~$3/day/child) was imposed on six daycare centers in Israel that were struggling with late pickups by the parents of the children. Surprisingly, after the placement of this new regulation, late pickups increased, even by parents who did not have a previous history of late pickups. This data suggests that there is a negative correlation between moral behavior (courtesy and consideration for the teachers) and economic value (fee for a late pickup). It appears that once a fee was instituted, parents began to put a price tag on their inability to pick up their children (Gneezy et al. 2000). This concept fascinats me! Does this suggest that the incentive for moral behavior is indeed stronger and more convincing than economic motives? Or does this hypothesis only hold true so long as the economic value is less than the moral value? The latter concept seems rational: what else would explain the corruption and greed that surrounds those hungry for power and wealth? Clearly, there must be a group who is willing to break some moral rules in an effort to complete its own agenda, but how far would they be willing to go? What determines their "threshold" per se? And what about the rest of us common folk? Are we, in fact, more morally bound than we think we are? Is it possible that we are, perhaps unintentionally, behaving according to a specific set of moral standards?

It's rough out there...

Perhaps one of the best parts of my day is (or used to be) the early morning, when I would sit in front of my computer, coffee in one hand, and the mouse in the other, reading the news. But recently, I have grown to develop an aversion towards all news sites. I am becoming more and more saddened by the current events. The recession in the US (and the rest of the world), the war in the Middle East, the daily political scandals...they all just make me depressed. I keep wondering why there is so much suffering around the world? From natural disasters to man-made offenses, I find myself questioning the fate of our planet and all its creatures. What is going to happen to us? But more importantly, are all of our problems proportionate? If the administrative assistant in the US is worried about getting laid off from work tomorrow while the mother of 4 in the Middle East is worried about protecting her children, are those instances equally weighed? If not, then what and whom determines which is more or less important? And if they are not proportionate, wouldn't that suggest injustice in the universe? And what if you believe in an ordered organization in the world? What if you believe in some kind of justice? Can you reconcile the differences across our universe?

What is good behavior?

In my line of work, frustration is not only commonplace, but expected. Just as all other human beings, I can hardly tolerate failure, let alone embrace it. So, when things go wrong, I, similar to my colleagues, have a single immediate reaction: I cuss the world out!

Today, I was giving the notion of rude behavior some thought. If I'm cussing myself out, or if I "offend" my computer, my pens, my workstation, etc., is that really considered uncouth? I almost never address anyone in an aggressive/offensive manner (unless in a joke, of course). If I'm not cussing out any particular individual, is it "bad behavior"? Presently, the media is very free and open about cuss words...we hear it in movies, on TV, on the radio, and especially in the pop/new age music. Everyone around me is always cussing too, even my boss. It almost seems as if the current generation has developed a significant level of tolerance towards the notion of cussing...the words may perhaps be thought of as part of our daily language. BUT...does all this mean that the use of cuss words is acceptable behavior? Would I ever freely cuss at a large meeting?

What does it mean when you bite your tongue?!

Today, I was gossiping about an individual whom I find to be deficient in critical thinking- a quality I highly value. Just as I was done complaining about her most recent behavior, the satisfactory feeling that is often associated with "getting things off your chest" was suddenly overshadowed by the most painful episode of tongue biting I have ever experienced. "Was this a sign to stop," I thought to myself. On the other hand, I was already done discussing my friend's inadequacies. Was it karma? I do, more or less, believe in one form or another of the concept of karma. In reality, I think I believe in the idea of action and reaction. In the tangible material world that surrounds me, I find evidence for this theory on a daily basis, but the idea that my words could produce an easily detectable reaction such as the biting of the tongue seemed far-reaching...but then again, was it? Afterall, I was using my tongue to put into words, what started as a mere thought...and then I polluted the thoughts of my listener, who may now go on to spread my complaints to others. Was it really a coincidence that I bit the very tongue that could potentially be the cause for my personal feelings about a specific person being heard by others? If so, is that ethically wrong?

Why??

For many years, I have been blogging in the confines of my own head. Tonight, I want to welcome myself to blogging in cyberspace, where the intangible thought morphs into a series of sentences, perhaps put together in a highly unorganized fashion, but none the less transforms into a material being that can be read, critiqued, questioned, respected, and perhaps embraced. In writing this blog, I promise myself and any future readers who may find my thoughts interesting, that I will write with utmost honesty and sincerity, and without too much frontal lobe filtration! My goal here is to grow mentally, to progress, and learn. I have no doubt that in the the near future, when I look at my blogs in retrospect, I will be able to better connect my own thoughts and perhaps answer my own questions, regardless of how large or small the number of my readers will be.